Dysfunctional Family- FACE
by Yakarmi
Summary: This is a series of one-shots about one of our favorite dysfunctional families, F.A.C.E. There may be suggestive themes in future chapters.
1. Family Reunion

**Hey, this is going to be a series of one-shot about one of our favorite family; FACE. There will be more characters mentioned, of course. Even though it says finished I will keep on posting more chapters onto this. Here's chapter 1. I hope y'all enjoy this!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

1. Family Reunion

Canada was going about his daily activities (making pancakes for hungry polar bears) when he realized that his brother, America, had left his baseball cap from his last visit. This time he had come to whine about Russia trying take back Alaska. He still didn't know what the big deal was. Sure, Russia come on as scary sometimes, but he was always nice to him. Maybe his brother was still upset at him about the Soviet Union. Anyways, everyone knew that Russia had given up on Alaska a long time ago, hadn't he?

Well, now that led to Canada heading to America's house to give it back to him. Knowing America, he probably wouldn't remember he had lost the hat until a week. It would then take him another week to even remember that he existed and only then would America remember that he had left his hat here. It's easier this way.

As he neared his brother's house he noticed there was one more car parked in the driveway then unusual. It was rental too, odd. Maybe one of the other nations was visiting him, and boy was he right.

Today they had decided to have their family reunion and they were all gathered here. England, France, and America all sat around America's coffee table. Right now England had a cup of tea, France had a glass of wine, and America had a bottle of coke. The sun was streaming in through a high window, giving it a happy and cheerful mood. However, it was not cheerful nor happy. In fact, they were in the midst of an argument.

"I'm telling you we should have invited Australia, he's bound to liven up this dull meeting we always have. Actually, why do we have this meeting anyways?" America complained.

"First of all, this isn't a 'meeting' it is a family reunion. Second of all, Australia would… bring a little too much excitement," England told him.

"Well, Australia is part of the family," America argued.

"I feel like ve are missing someone," France said.

"See, France thinks we should invite Australia too," America said still arguing with England.

"No! You idiot, I mean somebody else!" France yelled at them.

All the sudden there was knock on the door. England and France stared at America.

"You seriously didn't invite Australia, did you?" England asked him exasperated.

"No," America looked just as confused as them.

"Well, answer it!" France yelled at him.

"Fine."

America wrinkled his nose and went over to the door. He opened the door and sighed.

"Who is- Mattie?!" America shouted. England and France came up from behind him looking guilty.

Canada had gone down the cobbled walkway over to the door, baseball cap in hand. He had knocked on the door, then to only have it opened by a sighing America. When he had answered it his eyes had widened and soon France and England had appeared behind him. This was an… interesting situation.

"W-what is h-happening here?" Canada asked quietly, his voice sounding broken and hurt.

"W-well, we are having a f-family reunion," France answered.

"W-what? Aren't I p-part of the f-family too?" Canada asked them quietly and hurt from the doorway.

"Umm… how about you come in," England suggested.

They moved out of Canada's way as he stepped inside from the warm, sunny day to the suddenly cold house. The looks on everyone's face was guilt.

"Canada-" England started but got cut off by Canada

"Y-you know what, I-I'm obviously not wanted here or e-else you would have i-invited me. I'll j-just go," Canada interrupted.

He turned to leave, but America grabbed his arm. However, he just shook it off only to have it grabbed again. This time America was using his super strength.

"Let go of me!" Canada whined.

"No! You will sit here and hear us out!" America shouted and practically threw him on the couch.

"No need to be harsh with him," France argued.

"I agree, be careful with him," England agreed.

"I'm not a baby and let me leave!" Canada yelled.

"Nope," America answered and he sat on him.

"Al, get off of me! It's enough that I get sat on in the meetings all the time!" Canada shouted again.

"N- wait, you get sat on- you know what, I'll save that for another time," America decided.

"You should just let me go and I only get sat on because you don't notice that I'm even THERE!" Canada yelled, adding more emphasis on the last word.

"Oh course I notice you Mattie, I'm the hero!" America told him looking behind him to Canada.

"No you don't!" Canada yelled back. "If you notice me why didn't you invite me to your 'family reunion', after all, I am part of the family. D-do you j-just not want me a-around? A-am I too l-lame? Argh, that must be it."

When Canada was done having his drama queen moment and coming to the conclusion that he was not wanted and too lame for them he started to cry. A full out bawl. Which was something that he had been bring to avoid doing. America stared at him in shock along with France and England.

"Oh my, Lad, that isn't the reason. Just because your not on the tip of the tongue sometimes doesn't mean you're unwanted and too lame. If anyone here was lame it would be America," England said trying to comfort him.

"Hey!" America shouted, but it went unnoticed.

"I second zat, we will always love you ze way sat you are," France added on.

By now Canada's eyes were glistening with tears of happiness. He didn't care how girly or weak it looked.

"Now, America you git, get off him!" England yelled at him.

"But I don't wanna," America whined in a baby voice.

Canada glared at his back and shoved him off with one giant push. America fell to the floor and pouted at him.

"Mattie-" He whined. "You're comfy."

"I quite sure I am," Canada replied blandly.

"Russia probably also thinks that," Canada muttered under his breath.

"What?" America asked, not hearing.

"Nothing." Canada shook his head.

"Well, as long you know that we all-"

BANG!

The door all the sudden burst open. In the doorway you could see the silhouette of a person surrounded by light.

"I heard y'all were havin' a family reunion with out me!" The person shouted. Everyone knew who it was instantaneously.

"Australia," Came two low groans from around the area of France and England.

"Yo, dude, you're here. I told you guys he'd liven up this place!" America shouted.

"Yeah, no thanks to you," Australia told him.

He gave America a frosty glare, so unlike his climate.

"Oh ya," his face brightened for a moment. "Thanks Canadia-dude for telling me about this!" Australia thanked Canada.

"WHAT?!" England, France, and America shouted.

"Yeah, bout that…" Canada scratched the back of his head. "I knew you were having this family reunion, you have it on the same day every year. I invited Australia to get back at you guys."

They all stared at Canada with wide eyes with the exception of Australia who was helping himself to some beer he found in America's fridge.

"Well, I guess we're going to have to change the date next year," England stated just loud enough for France, America, and Canada to hear.

**GO CANADA! He finally found a way to get back at them. Now Australia's going to mooch off America for some time. Well, I goes that's what he gets.**


	2. Oops!

**Yep, this is short and sweet.**

2. Oops!

America and Canada were walking home from a _very_ long day at school and, as always, America was giving Canada grief.

"I mean, what's the point of going to school, I'm a nation! A nation!" America was venting to Canada.

"Technically, you are still just a colony," Canada commented.

It went unnoticed.

"Seriously, I don't need to know this stuff. Years from now I'll still be alive and all this information will have been out-dated. They'll probably have made something like, I don't know, an atomic bomb or something that could blow up whole cities with just one!" America said still out raged ant then laughed. "Like that'll ever happen."

Canada didn't even bother to answer, it'd just go unnoticed again.

It went on like this for the rest of the way home. America always saying 'how unfair it was that they had to go to school', 'how heroes didn't need to go to school', or 'I bet England and France never had to go to school'. So, it was needless to say that Canada was thankful that they were finally home.

America walked straight in and went walk through the living room to get to the kitchen. He was muttering something about 'those horrible school lunches'.

Canada sighed and went to follow him when he heard America scream.

"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!" America yelled from the living room. Canada raced to go see what was the matter.

What saw stunned and possibly scarred him for the rest of his life.

On the couch was England laying down on his back, but that wasn't the strange part. The strange part was that France was on top of him. That wasn't it though. They were both supporting a heavy blush with their hair all tousled, it looked like they had just gotten out of bed. England's shirt was off and tossed somewhere across the room. There was also a noticeable bulge in each of their pants.

"Papa," Canada started. "What are you doing to daddy?"

France's blush became an even brighter red and looked like, as Spain would say, a tomato.

"I was um… helping him cool off and um… feel better," France lied.

"Oh, is daddy sick?" Sweet and innocent little Canada asked.

"Um… yes, doesn't he look just horrible?" France answered running with the opening that Canada had given him.

"I am not sick you bloody wanker! Now, get off me you disgusting pervert!" England yelled, but France didn't move.

The attention was back on America when he started to fake gag. He then grabbed Canada's arm and pulled him out of the room. Then dragging him into their bedroom.

"They are absolutely disgusting," America commented to Canada. "I mean, I can't believe they let us see them like that."

Canada agreed whole heartedly, something about his papa's explanation didn't make sense. Oh well, he'd ask him again tomorrow.

**Meanwhile, back in the living room…**

"So," France whispered into England's ear. "Where were we before we were interrupted? I'm sure they wont be coming back down for a while."

"We just probably scarred our kids for life and you want to continue? Get off of me you bloody wanker." England forcefully pushed him off, but smiled all the same. France may be a bloody wanker, but he was his bloody wanker.

***cue sarcasm* Aren't England and France just the best parents?**


	3. Canada's Unfortunate First Kiss

**I've been igoring this story for a while. So, I decided to get something done. Here it is, and sorry to all PruCan supporters.**

3. Canada's Unfortunate First Kiss

It was just another world meeting with Canada running late. It seems that either America had remembered Canada long enough to pull a prank on him or someone who thought he was America was trying to get revenge. It didn't really matter to him now, as all he was worried about was being late.

He burst into the conference room panting, getting odd stares from everyone else in the conference that he had just interrupted.

"Who are you?" England asked.

Both Canada and France opened their mouths to answer, but were beat to it by Prussia.

"It is Canada," He said and everyone looked at him surprised.

"H-how do you know who I am?" Canada worriedly asked the question that was on everyone's mind at the moment. How could Prussia remember the one country that was always forgotten by the others?

"Because your country makes awesome maple syrup," Prussia answered easily and Matthew felt himself blush. "Anyways, you are super cute. In fact…"

That was when Prussia grabbed him and forcefully kissed him.

"I've always wanted to do that," Prussia said to himself, completely ignoring the glares he was getting from Canada's family and the horrified look he got from his brother.

"Bruder… what did you do?" Germany's voice broke through his thoughts.

"Huh?" Prussia asked.

"I'm going to kill you! You can't be my brother's first kiss!" America yelled and tackled Prussia to the ground. He pinned him to the ground with his arms behind him.

"H-how do y-you k-know that was my f-first kiss?" Canada asked his brother.

"Oh, please Mattie. You know that nobody would ever remember you enough to actually kiss you," America said. Canada pouted at him and the sad truth to his words.

"W-well, it's the t-truth, but-" Canada started but got cut off by America.

"See, you stole my brother's first kiss. You are going to pay!" America shouted.

"You stole mon petite Matthew's first kiss!" France shouted at him and put his hands on his hips.

"You bloody git! How dare you steal a kiss from my child!" England joined in.

"Should I be scared of two old men and a naïve little boy?" Prussia asked skeptically.

"No," Germany said, sighing. "You should be scared of two former world superpowers along with a current superpower."

If Prussia's face could pale, it would have. However, his expression would have to suffice.

"You know Prussia, I thought we were friends. Then you go and do something like kiss my son!" France yelled at him and Prussia gulped.

A few minutes later Prussia was tied to a chair and Canada's family was debating what to do with him. Canada was standing off in the corner and Russia was slowly making his way towards him.

"Hey guys," Prussia called out and they all stared at him like they had forgotten about him despite talking about him.

"Don't talk!" America spazzed out and stuffed a piece of cloth to gag him.

"Alright, I say we curse him or put him in busby's chair," England suggested.

"Why don't we just nuke him?" America said.

"Hey! He's no longer a country and living at _my _house! If you bomb him then you bomb me… and he's my bruder," Germany added after a small pause.

Prussia made a small noise of indignity at that. He noticed that now Russia was standing next to Canada and had just put an arm around his shoulders. Canada jumped a little at the contact, but after he saw who it was leant into his and watched Prussia with worry.

"You know, I really feel bad for Gil," Canada told Russia.

"Don't be, he stole your first kiss before I could," Russia answered him.

Canada smiled at that and slapped his arm, causing the taller one to laugh. Oddly enough, this laugh didn't attract any attention at all.

"Still, Gil's my friend. I mean, he does sometimes end up at my house drunk sometimes, well… a lot, but he's… he's… he's a loyal friend?" Canada said sounding like he was questioning himself.

"Well, so am I," Russia said with a childish pout.

"Yes, I know you are. Anyways, can you help me get Gil out of this?" Canada asked him.

"No," Russia rejected his question.

"Please," Canada pleaded making his eyes big and batting her eyelashes. Russia was starting to waver.

Prussia watched the exchange between the two, but couldn't hear what exactly they were saying. It couldn't be good though, seeing that Canada had slapped Russia and then had to make those puppy dog eyes he so often made to make him to something. They go him every time, and he was only allowed to make them at him! Not that he was being possessive or anything. Still, it wasn't a good sign; that he was sure of.

"I have an idea of what to do with the weird albino thing!" Russia shouted and Canada elbowed him in the ribs, not that anyone really noticed.

"What?!" All three of Canada's respective family members shouted at him short-temperedly. Then, seeing whom they had yelled at France and England apologized profusely.

"I think I should deal with him for stealing Matvey's first kiss," Russia said with a smile.

"I'm going to go with that idea," England proclaimed.

"I'm good with that," France also said.

"Well…" America debated.

"Just say yes, Alfie," Canada sighed.

"All right, but only because you insisted," America added hurriedly afterwards.

"Okay then, let's go."

Canada started to walk out the door and Russia followed pulling a tied-up Prussia. When the were finally in the safety of the hall Canada sighed and stopped. Russia also came to a halt, 'accidently' knocking over Prussia's chair. Which in turn made Canada rush over to see if he was okay, making Russia even angrier.

"Are you all right? I'm sorry about my family, they get all worked up over things like that," Canada said in all one breath while taking the piece of cloth from his mouth.

"Yeah, I'm just dandy. Do you mind untying me?" Prussia asked.

"Sure thing," Canada said smiling. Russia scowled from the corner.

As Canada started to untie him Russia came over and loomed over the both of them. When Canada was finished he took his arm and started to drag him away completely ignoring the other two's confused look.

Right before they left the hall Russia turned around to Prussia and said, "Don't ever kiss Matvey again."

"Ivan, wha-" Canada started and was cut off by Russia dragging him out once more. Prussia just started laughing.

**This was very random.**

**Reviews?**


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